I am very very sad this morning. there's a tightness in my chest and my eyes are hooded not from sleeplessness but listlessness and sorrow. i am having great trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that I have found the person i want to be with the rest of my life and was yesterday forced to get on not one but two planes flying in the opposite direction of him. I needed a paper bag in which to breathe. not for the fear of flying, but for the fact that my body made itself panic because it knew that I was walking in the wrong direction. that I can't really live well without him. or at all. I guess it's good to know that my body will make me sweat, cry, and vomit if I ever do something quite as terrible again. thanks body.